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Y Kerrie's Story Y
"Parkview, Parkview, we cheer you!"

, even though she called me a loser. I stood up to her peer pressure and said all the right things. But then (I don’t know why) just two weeks later I asked her to smoke.

Actually, I kinda do know why, now that I’ve finished drug counseling and everything, and I’ve recommitted my life to God. I’d always been a goody-goody my parental units could be proud of. But when I heard my birth mother, who’s now living in Minnesota, was drinking and doing drugs with some guy she met in a bar, it pissed me off and I said what the hell. So last fall I started a whole new lifestyle – smoking weed and cigarettes, drinking (a lot!), and constantly swearing (which I’m now trying to stop). I also tried coke once, and did meth and ecstasy a few times. I woulda done more, but drugs cost a lotta money.

This simple fact led me to sell them at school. Paris made a ton of money doing this, and she always had the coolest clothes and stuff, and so one day I was like “Can I sell too?” She was cool with it, and introduced me to Devon, her dealer.

Devon wasn’t exactly happy to meet me. (Maybe ‘cuz I came in my cheerleading uniform.) In fact, Devon scared the crap out of me. But anyway, I started making money and getting high, and hanging with my new friends.

I didn’t OD or die or ruin my life, so I’m probably the last person who should lecture anyone on drugs. But here’s some stuff that did happen.

One time when Paris and I went to Devon’s house, we found her dead. She used crack, but who knows what she OD’d on. I totally freaked. I’d never seen a dead person before. I wanted to call 9-1-1, but Paris said screw it. Anyway, I was puking and couldn’t talk. Devon was just 28. The next night I had a dream I was 28 and still dealing and using. In my dream I was really ugly like Devon.

The worst part is I didn’t really care. I just wanted to drink and get high.

List of things I no longer cared about (random order):
my future
sports
going to college
my art and poetry
school
my grades
God
Bible reading
journaling
youth group
my Christian friends, like Jessica and Scott
cheerleading
my cheer team friends, like Courtney and Kell
my family
my rep
my health

‘Cuz I was constantly late or forgot about practice, I got kicked off cheerleading. I also got grounded by my parents because I was failing some classes and ‘cuz they busted me for coming in drunk and cranked one night.

People do drugs to change the way they feel. I was depressed, and wanted to be happy. I was stressed, and wanted to relax. I was lonely, and wanted to be loved. By taking drugs, people think they can be the person they want to be. The problem? It isn't real. It didn’t change my situation. It only distorted my feelings for a little while.

Then later I felt worse. Even stronger feelings came on – feelings of guilt, ‘cuz I knew I was screwing up my life, and even deeper depression.

Crystal meth was the worst. Sure, after I took it I felt happy and full of energy, like I could do anything and never stop. Now I understand meth can be as addictive as crack, and I could have died from a heart attack or burned out at an early age, and gotten old and ugly.

, but if I’d continued, I would’ve eventually paid the price, probably sooner rather than later.

I’m so sorry I sold drugs to Alyssa and Shawn and the others. I asked God to forgive me, and I know he did.

Even Courtney wanted to try some weed, but I said no way. For Courtney, it was just blonde curiosity, but I didn’t want her to end up like Paris.

That’s the other thing. Paris went into rehab for four weeks over Christmas. She was addicted to coke and who knows what else. After she got out, she started right back where she left off. So far my junior year, I know two kids who dropped out for rehab, and one more (two actually) who probably should. One drug dealer who OD’d and died. And a senior I didn’t know who OD’d and died. Plus four seniors last year were killed in a car accident at graduation. (The others were drunk and high, but the driver only smoked one joint).

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